Tuesday, November 26, 2013

A James 1 year

Last December I started Beth mores bible study on James.what a blessing it was..but I had no idea how much I would need it in my year of wild faith in 2013. I really wanted to quickly skim over the study about James 1 where it says..Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds...who wants to think about suffering?and who wants to  count it all joy.
In 2013 I was tested on the power and truth of these verses.Already starting the year emotionally tired from a newborn and having just had to give up our foster son who we thought we were going to adopt..Then boom.In February my beloved daddy..My hero.My bed time story teller growing up.My spiritual hero was admitted to hospital..Almost died..Then boom..more bad news..Leukemia.agressive.scary.swrious..deadly leukemia..This led to a 30 day..very long..emotionally draining time in hospital..balancing being wife.mom.and daughter and siter was hard.on top of sleep deprivation because baby girl had chronic earaches..Some days I thought..really Lord..count it all joy?
Who knew that what was coming next would be even harder..Late one night in march on way home the unexpected happened.In the form of a deer missile..lol.that landed in my lap..It was at this moment that everything I believed was tested..It appeared at that night that I may have lost my babygirl and the love of my life for 8 years..I will never forget riding in ambulance.helpless as they turned 
on the light to upgrade to emergency status..the following days were harder than you can 
imagine..count it all joy.really Jesus?i am trying to be mommy to traumatized 5 year old..baby girl with head injuries who won't eat or drink.and hubs in icu who doesn't understand why i can't be there more to love won love of my life.some days those times in hospital I thought Lord i can't do this

Count it all joy? really

This isn't sounding like a very happy post is it? Well..I am writing this because It is thanksgiving week. ANd I I have more to be thankful for than I can ever imagine. The Lord has been faithful:) My little girl is walking, talking, and fine! My hubs is handsome as ever, with no long term affects from accident. ANd...MY DAD IS CANCER FREE! Glory glory...But I am writing this thankkgsiving post not because all of those miracles. But because even if all this had not turned out the way it had. I believe the Lord would have still helped me count it all joy. Because I have realized through all this. WE cannot count it all joy on our own. We dont have the strength to count it all joy. There were some days I thought I just couldn't get through the day..However...God truly does give super human strength to count it all joy. The prov 31 woman gets alot of flac. But when it calls her a strong woman it is using the same word that says david had the strenth to jump over walls and defeat troops. God gives us super human strength when we need it. to press in. to count it all joy no matter the outcome. and to Trust him. I dont want to ever forget what I learned through the sleepless nights. The pain of watching those closest to me suffer.And most of all count it all joy. Be thankful!The lord has drawn nearer to me when I had nothing left in me. He loved on me when I was unlovable. HE has been faithful!And for that this thanksgiving I am thankful!

Friday, May 24, 2013

What makes me come alive:) Jenn, you have done so much to teach me about that. I have been thinking recently about what has made me come alive in the crazy past two months I had. And honestly. There has been so much! IN the worst times of my life ever...I experienced God and his grace in new ways. And that makes me come alive. It makes me come alive that my life basically stopped for 2 months. and I learned alot during that time of stillness. It reminded me how much of a priority I need to make my marriage. IT has given us much time together. In fact, I will be sad when Todd can drive again and doesn't need to rely on me again. I will always cherish the early morning rides to work and picking him up from the bus stop after work.IT makes me come alive that I got to go to physical therapy for my fractured arm..and that I got to see results. After 6 weeks I can do things I couldn't do before. It is neat to see progress. ANd Todd told me yesterday he loved my arms...bonus points from working out at physical therapy lol:)IT makes me come alive how much the body of Christ has been generous and loved on us so much! God's people are more than amazing. I feel so loved.Watching God answer prayers has made me come alive. And watching each milestone in Hope's and Alex's life has made me come alive. I took so much for granted before. I don't want to miss one single moment!Also I have never been one to struggle with anxiety. And there has been some struggles since the accident. Espically in the car.But it makes me come alive that God is teaching me through it!And bringing freedom through it. I have so much to be thankful for! So Jenn. Thanks for teaching me to come alive!